Vazhinji vedu tinokoshesa ukama nevamwe, kunyanya muhukama hwedu hwepabonde. Kutaura zvazviri, isu takasvikirwa kuti tibatane uye inotibvumira kuita zvisungo uye ukama hwepedyo nemudiwa wedu. Kubudirira kwehukama hwepanguva yakareba kunotsamira paukuru hwehukama hwedu hwekugadzikana kune mumwe nemumwe. Apo patinofunga nezvehukama hwedu hwakanaka tinowanzofunga nezvehukama hwakanaka, hwepedyo, hupenyu hwose nemunhu wedu anokosha.
Saka, tinovaka sei rudzi rwehukama? Iko kushamwaridzana, kuchengeteka, kusingagumi kwenguva refu nemumwe munhu watinoziva ane musana wedu kwenguva refu? Ukama hunotipa rusununguko rwekuti tive isu, runotsigira kukura kwedu uye hunotibvumira kuva nekushandurana kune umwe neumwe?
Chii Chinonzi Kuwirirana?
Kuwirirana kunoratidza kuti vanobvumirana vanocherechedza uye vanokoshesa kukosha kwehukama hwepfungwa dzavanenge vachigovera apo vachichengetedza pfungwa yakasimba yega mukati mehukama hwakasimba. Munhu anoremekedzana anoziva kukosha kwekutambudzika, kukwanisa kutendeukira kumudzimai wavo nenzira dzakakosha yekuita ushamwari hwepamweya. Vanokoshesawo pfungwa yekuti ivo vanovabvumira ivo nemumwe wavo kuti vave ivo pachavo pasina chikonzero chekunyengedza kuti ndevanaani kana kuti maitiro avo anokosha.
Kuvimba nemumwe munhu kunogona kutyisa kana kuti kusina kunaka. Kukura, isu tinowanzodzidziswa kukoshesa kwekuzvimiririra kwekuzvimiririra , kuve kune zvimwe zvayo, nehuwandu hunokosha hunoiswa pausingadi vamwe kuti vatsigire mupfungwa.
Sezvo zvinokosha sekuva neruzivo rwekuzvisarudzira, kunotorwa kune zvakanyanyisa, izvi zvinogona kuitika munzira yedu yekukwanisa kuwirirana mupfungwa nevamwe nenzira inobatsira. Kushamwaridzana nemukomana nemumwe wako kunogona kuva kwakaoma kubudirira, kunyange kutyisa kana kuonekwa sechinyanya kukosha muhukama, kune avo vane unhu hunoshamisa hwekusununguka.
Kutendeseka hakusi Codependence
Kuwirirana haisi chinhu chimwe chete sekuve munhu anozvidzivirira. Munhu ane hanya anoedza kuvimba zvikuru kune vamwe nekuda kwehupenyu hwavo uye hupenyu hwavo. Hapana kukwanisa kumunhu iyeye kusiyanisa kwaanoenda uye shamwari yake inotanga, pane pfungwa yakagadziriswa yemutoro kune mumwe munhu kuti asangane nezvavanoda uye / kana kuti kune waanoda naye kuti asangane nezvose zvavanoda kuti anzwe zvakanaka maererano nevanaani .
Unhu hwehukama huripo hunosanganisira zvinhu zvakadai:
- Varombo / kwete mitsara
- Vanhu vanofadza mafambiro
- Reactivity
- Kusina kunaka, kusabatsirana kukurukurirana
- Kushandura
- Dambudziko nehukama hwehukama
- Kudzora maitiro
- Kupa mhosva mumwe nomumwe
- Kunyanya kuzviremekedza kune mumwechete kana kuti vose vaviri
- Hapana zvaunoda kana zvinangwa kunze kwehukama
Ukama hune hukama hwakanaka hahuna utano uye haubvumi kuti vashandi vekamuri vave ivo pachavo, kukura uye kuva vanozvimirira. Ukama uhu husina kunaka hunosanganisira mumwe wako, kana kuti zvose, kuvimba zvikuru kune imwe uye ukama hwekunzwa kwavo, manzwiro ekugutsikana uye hupenyu hune hukama hwakanaka. Kune kazhinji manzwiro ekuzvipa mhosva uye kunyadziswa kune mumwe kana vose vari vaviri kana ukama hwacho husingafambi.
Sezvechiremba uye codependency muongorori, Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT inotsanangura, kukanganiswa kwemashoko kunosanganisira "mumwe munhu akarasikirwa nemafungiro ake ega, kuitira kuti mafungiro ake nemafambiro ake zvinotarisana neumwe munhu kana chimwe chinhu chiri kunze, kusanganisira munhu, chinhu, kana basa, rakadai sepabonde kana kubhejera. "
Sei Kuwirirana Kune Utano Hwehukama
Kutendeseka kunosanganisira kuenzanisa uye zvimwe mukati mehukama, kuziva kuti vose vari vaviri vari kushanda kuti vavepo uye vanopindirana pane zvido zvepanyama uye zvepfungwa nenzira dzakakodzera uye dzine chinangwa. Vachibatsirana havakwanisi kutaurirana uye havatarisi kune mumwe wavo kuti vawane manzwiro ekukosha. Izvi zvinopa mumwe nomumwe mukana nzvimbo yekuchengeta pfungwa yega, nzvimbo yekufamba kune imwe nguva munguva dzekuda uye rusununguko rwekuita zvisarudzo izvi pasina kutya kwezvichaitika muhukama.
Zviratidzo zvehukama hwakasiyana
Ukama hune hutano hwakanaka, hunopindirana hunogona kuonekwa nehumwe hwehwu hunotevera:
- Miganhu ine utano
- Kunyatsoteerera kuteerera
- Nguva yezvido zvemunhu oga
- Taurirana zvakananga
- Kutora mutoro wega wekuzvibata
- Kuita kuchengetedzana kune umwe neumwe kuti uve pangozi
- Kuita nekupindura kune umwe neumwe
- Utano hwakanaka
- Kuva wakasununguka uye anotaurika kune mumwe nemumwe
Apo vavakaroorana vanonzwa vachikoshesa uye vanokoshesa, hukama hunova nzvimbo yakachengeteka uye nzvimbo iyo vaviri vacho vanogona kunge vakasiyana. Izvi zvinoreva kuti vanonzwisisa kuti havasi ivo voga muhukama hwavo, vanogona kutendeukira kune mumwe kune vakachengeteka munguva dzekuda uye vanonzwa vakachengeteka kuti mudiwa wavo aripo.
Nzira Yokuvaka Ukama Hwakasiyana
Chinokosha pakuvaka ukama hunopindirana ndeyekuyeuka kuti iwe uri ani kubva pakutanga. Kazhinji vanhu vari kutsvaga, kana kupinda, hukama huri kungoita kuti varege kunzwa vari voga, pasina kuratidzwa kwevanhu pachavo, ivo vanokoshesa, uye zvinangwa zvavo zvehukama. Kutora nguva yehutano urwu hwekufungidzira iwe pachako kunokubvumira kupinda muukama hutsva nekuziva kwezvako izvo zvakakosha pakugadzirisa ukama huri pakati.
Sezvo ane chiremba wepfungwa anonzi Sharon Martin, LCSW inoratidzira, zvakakosha kuchengetedza pfungwa yega muhukama hwepedyo. Anotsanangura nzira dzinotevera dzokuchengetedza maonero ehukama:
- Kuziva zvaunoda uye zvakakosha kwauri
- Usatya kutya kubvunza zvaunoda
- Shandisa nguva neshamwari nemhuri
- Ramba uchitsvaka zvinangwa zvako
- Ngwarira zvaunofunga
- Ita nguva yekuzvivaraidza uye zvinodiwa
- Usatya kutaura "kwete"
- Usazvichengeta uri muduku kana kuti wakavanzika kuti ufadze vamwe
Kubvumira shamwari yako mukana uye mukana wekuita zvinhu zvimwechetezvo zvichave chinhu chinokosha pakugadzira ukama hune utano hwakakwana. Kutanga ukama hwako nenzira iyi kunogona kubvumira kugadziriswa kwenzvimbo yakachengeteka yevadzidzi vose kuti vadzidze nzira yekushandurana zvakanyanya kune vamwe vasingatyi kuzvirambidza kana kutungamirirwa kana kushandiswa. Ukama hwakasiyana-siyana hahusiyi vanhu vachinzwa vane mhosva kana kuti vanotya mumwe wavo kana ukama hwavo, asi vanovasiya vachinzwa vakachengeteka nemumwe wavo.
Tora nguva yekufungisisa kuti uri ani uye chii chaunoda muhukama hwako hunokosha. Kuyeuka izvi mune zvekufambidzana kunogona kubatsira kusimbisa kuti ukama hwako huchava hutano hwakasimba uye hwakasimba kwenguva refu.