Kushora Code Rudo
Kuramba murudo kuri nyore. Ukama hwakaoma-pasinei nezvose Hollywood inotitengesa. Kufanana nechimwe chinhu chiri muhupenyu chinofanira kuva nacho, hukama hunotora basa. Vamwe vakaroorana vachabudirira kutarisa dutu risingazoitiki, asi vamwe vangangotarisana.
Kana zvasvika pakubatanidza , hapana bhuku rekuraira. Yeuka kuti mantra yekare yekutamba: Yokutanga inouya rudo, zvino inouya chichato, zvino inosvika saizvozvo uye nechechi yemoto?
Dai chete zvaiva nyore. Kunyange zvazvo vazhinji vachiri kuramba vachitevera tsika idzi dzetsika, vazhinji uye vakawanda vari kusarudza zvimwe. Vanhu vashoma vakaroorana vari kuroorana, vamwe vane vana vasati varoora uye vamwe vari kusarudza kusava nevana zvachose. Ukama humwechete, semunhu mumwe nomumwe, hwakasiyana. Pasinei nemugwagwa unosarudzwa kana ukasvika pakushamwaridzana-kana iri pasi pechivako kana kumativi ose-zvikamu zvepano zve rudo nekubatanidzwa zvinoramba zviri zvakafanana. Nzira dzakanaka sei vakaroorana vanofamba zvikamu izvi zvinokosha.
Kubva mubasa repamusoro-nyanzvi masayendisiti uye "nyanzvi dzorudo," pasi apa pane zvikamu zvina zvehukama-kubva pakuwirwa murudo kuti urarame nekufara nguva dzose (kana kwechinguva) -kuzobudirira kubudirira uye zvikuru, sei kuchengetedza spark iripo.
1. Euphoric Stage
Uku ndiko hutano hwako pane rudo.
Kwemazana makumi emakore adarika, Helen Fisher, PhD, nyanzvi yezvehutano uye Senior Research Fellow kuKinsey Institute, uye Lucy L.
Brown, PhD, Clinical Purofesa muNeurology paEinstein College of Medicine muNew York, vave vachidzidza basa reuropi hwevanhu vari murudo, kubva pakutanga kusvika kune zvishoma. Anoti:
Mune chikamu chekutanga cheukama-kuwira murudo nzvimbo - mumwe munhu ndiye nzvimbo yehupenyu hwako. Iwe unoregerera zvinhu zvose muzvikamu izvi zvokutanga. Mumwe munhu ane zvikanganiso uye unozviona asi hazvina basa. Zvichida vanosiya ndiro dzavo dzakasviba mumvura, asi vanokuita kuti ucheke zvishoma zuva rega rega, saka zvakanaka. Zvinhu zvakanaka zvinopfuura zvakashata pano.
Chimwe chezvinhu zvinonyanya kukosha muongorori hwemapupi ehupi dzakagadzirirwa kuva chinhu chinokosha muhukama hwehukama, hunosanganisira izvo Brown anoreva sekumiswa kwekutonga kusina kunaka. "Munharaunda ino yekutanga, vanhu vazhinji vanoratidza kuderera kwebasa mu prefrontal cortex, iyo inhengo yeuropi iyo ine chokuita nekutonga kwakashata kwevanhu." Kana murume nomudzimai vachigona kuramba vakasimudzirwa kusaruramisira kune mumwe nemumwe, zviri nani mikana yekubudirira.
Apo vakazotevera pamwe chete nevatori vechikamu, vakawana kuti vakaroorana avo vakanga vagara pamwe chete kwemakore matatu kana kupfuura vakapedza basa rakanyanya kuderera muchikamu chino cheuropi. Zvichida chimwe chinhu kwatiri tose tichifunga.
Inguva yakadini yerudo inoguma kwenguva yakareba sei?
Studies, maererano naBrown, vakafungidzira nzvimbo iyi yepamusoro yekugara chero ipi kubva pamwedzi mitanhatu kusvika kumakore maviri. Kunyange zvazvo chikamu chiduku chevanhu-vanenge 15 kusvika ku30 muzana-vanoti ivo vachiri murudo uye kuti ichiri kunzwa semwedzi mitanhatu yekutanga, kunyange mushure memakore gumi kana gumi gare gare. "Hatizivi nei ichi chiri. Handifungi kufunga kuti ndeyekuti vakawana mweya yavo. Ndinofunga kuti ndiye munhu ", anodaro Brown." Vamwe vanhu vane nguva iri nyore kudzorerazve matanho ekutanga.
Kwete kuti vamwe vedu hatigone. "
Asi kune vanhu vazhinji, kudhakwa kwerudo rutsva kunoguma morph muchikamu chinotevera-chekubatanidzwa kwekutanga.
2. Nzira Yokutanga Yokutanga
Muchikamu chepakutanga chekuda rudo, zvisinganzwisisiki zvakadai sokukwezva uye kushandiswa kwemubairo wekutora kunotora. Mukudzidza kwaFisher naBrown, uropi hunofanirwa nemadzimai muhukutanga hwerudo rwakaratidza huwandu hwakawanda hwe dopamine , chemikemikari inoita kuti mupiro wemubairo uwedzere kukurumidza kukurumidza kufadza. Maererano nevanyori, izvi zvinokonzera zvakafanana pauropi sekutora cocaine.
Muchikamu chino chinotevera, zvakadaro, chikamu chikuru chehuropi chinotanga kutora, kusanganisira ventral pallidum, nzvimbo yeuropi yakabatana nemanzwiro ekubatanidza, uye mahomoni ekubatanidza, vasopressin uye oxytocin, dzimwe nguva anonzi " love hormone ".
Saka, unoziva sei kana wasvika pane imwe nhanho inotevera? "Iwe unogona kurara!" Quips Brown. "Iwe hausi kufunga nezve [shamwari yako] maawa 24 pazuva. Zviri nyore kuita zvimwe zvinhu muupenyu hwako. "
Vakaroorana vakaroora gore rimwe chete vakarondedzera rudo zvakasiyana. "Zvakapfuma, zvakadzama, kuzviziva zviri nani." Brown. "Zviyeuchidzo zvakabatanidzwa-zvose zvakanaka uye zvisina kunaka-wave wakatarisana nedambudziko uye iwe wakagadzira kusungirirwa kwakasimba."
3. Crisis Stage
Iyi ndiyo yekuita kana kuparara kwehukama hwakawanda. Chinoitika panguva iyi chakakosha kune izvo zvinotevera. Brown inoreva izvi se 'gore rechinomwe kana rechishanu.' "Anenge hukama hwega humwe hunova nechikamu chakatsauka," anodaro, "Zvimwe iwe ucharamba uchitsvaira kana iwe uchadzoka pamwe chete. Iwe unoda dambudziko kuti upinde uye kuti ukwanise kutaura pamusoro payo pamwe chete-imi mose makakura uye makashandurwa. "Kune vamwe vakaroorana, kuva nevana kunogona kuva mureza mumugwagwa unogona kusimbisa ukama kana kukonzera kushushikana kwakanyanya kuti ukama hunoparara. Kana vaviri vakaroorana vakakwanisa kukurira dambudziko kubudirira, ivo vachazoenderera kune imwe nzvimbo inotevera yekubatana kwakadzika.
4. Kunyanya Kubatanidza Nhanho
Iyi ndiyo yakanyarara pashure pemhepo. Munoziva mumwe nomumwe zviri nani iye zvino. Wave uri kuburikidza nekudzivirirwa kwepamusoro uye pasi uye iwe unoziva kuti unogona kutarisana nematambudziko. Uye iwe wakaita urongwa hwekutarisana nawo munguva yemberi.
Paanotsanangura danho iri rehukama, shoko iro Brown rinodzokorora "rinodzikama". "Kana vakaroorana vave pamwe chete kwemakore mazhinji," anodaro, "zvinonyarara chaizvo. Uye yakachengeteka. "
Iyi danho rinogona kugara kwenguva yakareba. Kana iwe uine rombo, inogona kupedza hupenyu hwose.
Kuramba Ichienda
Saka tingachengetedza sei rudo kuenda, kunyange zvishoma? Maererano nevanotsvakurudza, imwe yenzira imwe chete inobatsira yekuchengeta mararamiro ari mupenyu ndeyezvakanaka. Dzidzo dzakatevera vakaroorana kwemakore dzakaona kuti kuita zvitsva, zvinonakidza, uye zvinetso pamwe chete zvine zvikomborero zvikuru zvehukama.
Dr. Aron, mumwe wevashandi vakuru veFisher naBrown, uye mudzimai wake, Dr. Elaine Aron akatanga "Self Expansion Model" iyo inopa ruzivo rwekutanga kwe rudo, uye chikamu chinotsanangura kuti nei mwedzi mishomanana yeukama hutsva anonzwa zvakanyanya. "Paunopinda muukama, iwe unowedzera chaizvo kuti uri ani. Iwe unotora / kugoverana munharaunda yemudiwa wako pamusoro penyika kuwedzera kune iwe pachako, mararamiro avo emagariro evanhu, pfuma yavo. Kubatsirwa kwezviitiko zvitsva uye zvakaoma pamwe chete zvakakura. Uye ivo vanopedzisira. "
Kusimudzirwa kwekutonga, kudzorera kwekutanga kwekutanga nekuchengetedza ruzivo, kungangodaro kuva zvigetsi zvekunyengedza mutemo we rudo rusingagumi.
> Sources:
> Aron, A., Aron, EN, Heyman, RE, Norman, CC, & McKenna, C. (2000). Vakaroorana vanogoverana muzviitiko zvitsva uye zvinomutsa uye hukama hwehukama hwakanaka. Zvinyorwa zveMunhu uye Social Psychology, 78, 273-284.
> Kubvunzurudzwa naLucy L. Brown, PhD. (April, 2018).