Ndakaedza Kutonga Munhu Wose nezvose
Sawa, zita rangu ndiJean uye ini ndiri kunwa doro . Ini ndiri mumwe wevakasununguka doro vakagara kurondedzera nyaya yangu. Asi nokuda kwenyasha dzaMwari uye purogiramu yeAA , ndingadai ndakafa.
Ndakatanga kunwa pazera remakore uye ndakanga ndichizivikanwa zvikuru neshamwari yangu yechikoro chesekondari se "hupenyu hwepati". Ndaigona nguva dzose kunwa munhu wese wandakanga ndiinaye.
Izvo zvakatanga semufaro zvinopera mukugara muhero. Kunwa kwangu kwakapfuurira kuburikidza nechikoro chesekondari nekupinda mubhizinesi chujiro ndokuzopinda muhofisi yekutanga yepamutemo yandaishanda nayo.
Panguva iyoyo, kunwa kwangu kwaive kwakanyatsogadziriswa; Ndakanga ndichiri muduku, ndaive nesimba rokudhakwa usiku humwe uye kushanda zuva rega rega uye kushungurudza kwakaipa kwakaramba kuchienderera mberi. Handidi "zvidhakwa," saka ndichaedza kuva mupfupi uye ndichiti: Ndakanga ndaroora kakawanda, ndakabata mabasa anokosha, kureva, kushanda mumatare emitemo akasiyana-siyana, nokuda kweSénator yenyika uye Mutongi weProbate neLt Office of Gavhuna. Ndaiva nemusha wakanaka uye murume wandakafunga kuti ndaimuda panguva iyoyo; uye kupfuura zvose, vana vangu vakanaka.
The Blackouts yatanga
Zvakanaka, murume uyu haana kundida sezvandaifunga; akaita zvakanaka; iye akatora vana vangu, akandibvarura kunze kweimba yangu yakanaka, uye akandirambana. NDAKANGA ndakanga ndisati ndapedza. Ndaigona kuramba ndichimwa chero munhu upi zvake; uye panguva iyoyo, zvechokwadi, matema akanga atanga.
Ndinotenda, ndakaedza kupa mhosva munhu wose nezvose zvandakanga ndichiziva nezvekunwa kwangu; rufu rwemwana wangu, vaimbova-varume, nezvimwewo. Munhu wese aive nemhosva yekunwa kwangu kunze kwangu. Kuvhunduka kwaive, nenzira, chikomborero. Handidi kuyeuka dzimwe nguva iyo.
Pakupedzisira, hongu, nguva yakasvika apo ndakanga ndisisakwanisi kushanda; Ndaifanira kuva nekugadzirisa zuva nezuva doro nguva dzose maawa mashomanana kana zvakadaro.
Upenyu hwangu hwaive hupenyu hwehupenyu hwose. Paiva nemazuva akawanda apo zvose zvandaigona kuita ndakatarisa kunze kwewindo rangu kuti ndione kana kwaiva masikati kana rima.
Kunwa Doro Rinodhaka
Izvo, shamwari dzangu, chimwe chinhu chisina munhu mupenyu anenge achida kupinda. Zvechokwadi, pakupedzisira, nguva yakauya apo pakange pasina mari yebhadharo yepurazi, kana chero chinhu, kunze kwemadhora mashomanana ndakaramba ndichidzoka nokuda kwehutu hwangu. Ndinotenda Mwari nokuda kwekupedzisira kwekupedzisira - ndakasvika mune imwe imba neine yechina paine muchengeti muimba.
Ndinotenda Mwari mhuri yangu yaiita "Tough Love". Hapana mumwe wemhuri yangu aizonditendera mumisha yavo; iyi yakanga iri pasi nguva . Ndakatarisa mumapeji matsvuku ebhuku refoni uye ndakawana nhamba yeAA.
Muvharo Wakanga Warega Kushanda
Mumaminitsi mashoma, mukadzi uye munyoro kubva kuAlcoholics Anonymous vakanga varipo. Hapana chavo chaiita sechityisidzirwa nezvinhu zvishoma zvandakavaudza. Ndaive nechokwadi chaizvo kuti nyaya yangu yakanga yakasiyana kubva munyaya yeumwe munhu. Ndaive nechokwadi chaizvo kuti ndakanga ndakasiyana. Ndakanga ndisingazivi asi ndakanga ndiri chidhakwa, uyo akanga akagadzirira kuita chero chinhu munyika kuti achinje hupenyu hwangu.
Vanhu ava vakanditora, vakanditakura kuenda kumusangano wangu wekutanga weAA, uye vazhinji vevamwe vanhu vakatanga kushanda neni uye vachindisiya. Handina kumborwara, mupfungwa uye mumuviri.
Asi ndakadzidza shure kweizvozvo, kuti kunyange zuva rangu rakaipisisa rakanyanyisa rakanaka kupfuura zuva rangu rakanakisisa raidhakwa. Doro rakanga rarega kushanda kwandiri. Pakanga pasina "zvakare," kana kunzwa kwakanaka.
Ndinoda kukuudza kuti ndakamira ipapo, asi mushure megore rimwe rokushushikana, ndakasarudza kuti ndinogona kunge ndichiri munhu anonwisa vanhu. Mwari, iyo njodzi. Zvandaigara ndichitaurirwa mu chirongwa cheAA ndechokuti chirwere ichi chinonyanya kufambira mberi, kunyange kana iwe uchinge wakanyatsogadzikana, uye nechokwadi chekuti, ndakararama kuti ndiwane izvozvo. Mushure mekutanga kwangu kana rwechipiri kunwa, ndakapinda mumoto. Saka kupera kwangu kweupenzi kwakanyangarika zvakare.
Ndine kutenda kwazvo kuMukuru wangu weHurumende uye kune avo vakanga vachiri kutenda kwandiri, kuti ini ndakanga ndiri mumwe wevane nhamo "akazvigadzirisa". Zvaive zvakaoma kudzokera zvakare mukova iwoyo weAA uye wotanga pamusoro uye kutora chip chip.
Asi ini ndakazviita. Kuhero nekuzvikudza kwenhema - Ndakanga ndagadzirira kurega kunwa. Kana zvisina kudaro, ndakanga ndaparadzwa nokuda kwekunyengera kwekutsvaga kana kufa. Ndiri kufara kukuudza kuti ndangobva ndatora makore angu gumi nemasere okunyengera. Handimbogoni kuzviita ndoga. Ndinofanira kuva nemwi mose, hama dzangu nehanzvadzi, kuti mundiyeuchidze kuti ndini ani, uye ndiko kuti, Jean, anodhakwa anononoka anofanirwa kutora hupenyu rimwe zuva panguva imwe kuitira kuti arambe akangwara.
Pakave nezvipingamupinyi zvakawanda muupenyu hwangu asi ndinoonga Mwari handina kumbofanira kunwa. Inoona kuti gore rino rapfuura rave rakaoma kwazvo; Ndakaputsa musana wangu, ndakarasikirwa nemurume ini ndaida chaizvo, uye ndakave nekunyara kwakakwana kwekutya. Asi ini NDAKAKADYA KUSAI.
Zuva rimwe nerimwe rakafanana nezuva idzva kwandiri zvino; dzimwe nguva ndinonzwa sokuti ini handizivi chaizvo nzira yandinoenda, asi ndinoziva chero bedzi ndinoramba ndakanyarara, kutungamirirwa kuchakurumidza kana kuti kuve kwakajeka. Ndine ropafadzo yekukwanisa kuita rimwe basa mu detox unit , uye kunzwa kwaro kwakanyanya kugovana ruzivo rwangu, simba, uye tariro pamwe nekumwe kutambura kwevanhu.
Ndinotarisira, pakuita saizvozvo kune imwe nzvimbo pasi, ndinogona kubatsira munhu mumwe chete kuti awane nzira yavo kune imwe chete purogiramu munyika yakandishandira ini; purogiramu yevapenyu, Alcoholics Anonymous. Ndinotenda Mwari nokuda kweBill W. naDob Bob, vedu vashandi vedu. Chero chii chatingave taita kana nzira dzavo dzisingayambuki.
Handina zvinhu zvose munyika ini zvandinoda ikozvino, asi ndine zvese zvandinoda, uye zvakaratidzwa kwandiri neHurumende Yangu uye Nhanho neMitemo yepurogiramu uye vanhu vose vakakura mune iri purogiramu , kuti chinhu ichi chinoshanda. Kune zvinhu zvakawanda zvandinoda kuchinja muupenyu hwangu, asi ndinonzwa kana zvakatarirwa kuti vachinje, zvichaitika.
Ndine vana vangu zvakare, kunze kwemumwe mwana ari kunze uko, uye ari kuita "chidhakwa". Hapana chinhu chandingamuitira, kunze kwekunamata. Ndakamutora kumisangano yakawanda neni, saka akave akaratidzirwa, uye zviri kwaari kwaari kana achida kurarama kana kufa. Icho icho chiri nyore. Hapana mukati mukati.
Ndinoda kupedzisa nokuudza mumwe nomumwe wenyu, avo venyu vandisingazivi, kuti ndinokudai. Isu tinogovana nechirwere chakafanana uye tinoziva chatinofanira kuita muupenyu. Tine sarudzo nhasi. Uye hazvisi izvo zvinoshamisa here? Vamwe vanhu vane zvirwere havana chokusarudzwa. Ndapiwa chipo chekuzvidzora; Ndinoda upenyu pasina doro; Ndinonakidzwa nokunwa kako kakawanda pamakumbo angu kumashure uye ndichiona shiri dziri mangwanani; Zvinhu zvakajeka izvo hakuna mumwe munhu angafunga kuti izvo zvinokosha.
Ndinoona kuti ndinogona kuita zvisarudzo zvakajeka, kunyange zvazvo zvisingagari nemigumisiro yandinoda. Ndezvipi zvakare zvandinogona kutaura? Ndiri chidhakwa chinotendwa chinonzi Jean L. uye zuva rega rega kuve kumutswa nokuti ndakapiwa rimwe mukana; uye ini handifaniri kurega doro richiparadza upenyu hwangu.
Ndicho chikonzero ndinofanira kugara ndakashanda muchirongwa ichi uye ndinogara ndichizviyeuchidza kuti ndini ani, kwandakambove, uye kwandisingambodi uye handidi, enda zvakare. Ndinokutendai nokundibvumira kugovera nyaya yangu newe.