Iwe unogona kunge uchiona zviito izvi kana iwe wakakura uchipoteredza doro
Kana wakakurira mumusha wakadhakwa, iwe unenge uchiziva manzwiro ekusamboziva zvaunotarisira kubva kune rimwe zuva kuenda kune rinotevera. Kana mumwe wavo kana vabereki vose vachirwisana nemishonga, mamiriro ezvinhu epamba anofanirwa kusatarisika. Kupopotedzana, kusawirirana, kusavimbika, uye mhirizhonga dzinowanzomhanyira. Vana vanodhakwa havatsvaki zvakawanda zvezvavanoda zvinoenderana nekuda kwezvipingamupinyi izvi, kazhinji zvinotungamirira kuzvipikiso zvisinganzwisisiki uye matambudziko mukuzvichengeta zvakanaka nemanzwiro avo gare gare muupenyu.
Haisi chishamiso. Kana iwe usina kumbobvunzwa nekusimbiswa mupfungwa iwe waidiwa munguva huru yekukura muhuduku hwako uye panzvimbo iyo wakanga uine hanya nemafambiro asina kunaka emubereki, ungaziva sei kuti iwe ungawana sei zvido zvako zvinosangana semunhu mukuru? Uyezve, kana iwe usina hukama hwakanaka hwehukama, zvingava zvakaoma kukudziridza hukama hwakanaka, hunovimba nehukama hwevanhu huri mberi.
Vana vanodhakwa vanowanzoramba manzwiro avo ekusuwa, kutya, uye kutsamwa kuitira kuti vararame-uye sezvo mafungiro asina kugadziriswa acharamba achipera pakupedzisira, anowanzoratidza munguva yehukuru. Kubatsira kuziva izvi ndechokuti iwe uri munhu mukuru zvino uye hausisiri mwana asingabatsiri. Iwe unogona kutarisana nenyaya idzi uye uwane sarudzo nenzira yausingaiti kare kare.
Izvi Zvichemo Kurumidza Kuita Nevana Vezvinwiwa
Vana vazhinji vanodhakwa vanoita unhu hwakafanana uye unhu hunoita.
Dzose Dr. Janet G. Woititz akarondedzera maitiro 13 evana vakuru mu 1983 bookmarkmark book, Adult Children of Alcoholics , iyo yaanoti kazhinji inoshanda kune dzimwe mhuri dzisina kunaka.
Dr. Jan, sezvaanozivikanwa, akanga ari munyori akatengesa zvakanakisisa, mudzidzisi, uye mutungamiri uyo aive akaroorwa kune doro.
Kubva pane zvaakamboita nehupombwe nehutano hwevana vake, pamwe chete nekushanda kwake nevatengi vakakurira mumhuri dzisingabatsiri, akawana kuti izvozvi zvinowanzoonekwa zvakanyanya kwete mumhuri dzinodhakwa asiwo kune avo vakakurira mumhuri uko kwaiva nemamwe maitiro ekumanikidzira , zvakadai sekubhejera, kushandiswa kwezvinodhaka kana kudya kudya.
Vana vanoona vabereki vane chirwere chisingaperi, maitiro ezvitendero zvakasimba, kuchengetedza vana uye mamwe maitiro asingabatsiri anowanzotarisa nezviratidzo izvi, Woititz akati.
- Vana vakuru vedhakwa vanofungidzira pane zviito zvakasarudzika ndezvipi.
- Vana vakuru vedhakwa vane dambudziko kutevera purojekiti kubva kubva pakutanga kusvika pakupedzisira.
- Vana vakuru vedhakwa vanodaro apo zvingava nyore nyore kutaura chokwadi.
- Vana vakuru vezvinwiwa zvinotonga pachavo pasina tsitsi.
- Vana vakuru vedhakwa vane dambudziko rokuseka.
- Vana vakuru vezvinwiwa zvinotora ivo pachavo zvakanyanya.
- Vana vakwegura vedhakwa vane dambudziko rehukama hwepedyo.
- Vana vakuru vezvinwiwa zvinodzvinyirira kuchinja kune izvo zvisingagoni kudzora.
- Vana vakwegura vanodhakwa vanoramba vachitsvaka kugamuchirwa nekusimbiswa.
- Vana vakuru vedhakwa vanowanzofunga kuti vakasiyana nevamwe vanhu.
- Vana vaduku vanodhakwa ndivo vanonyanya kutarisira kana kuti vasingatarisiri.
- Vana vakwegura vedhakwa vane kuvimbika kwazvo, kunyange pasinei neuchapupu hwokuti kuvimbika hakuna kukodzera.
- Vana vaduku vanodhakwa havakwanisi. Vanowanzozvivharira mune imwe nzira yekutora vasingatauri zvakanyanya kune dzimwe nzira dzekuita kana zvinogona kuitika. Izvi zvinokonzera kusvibiswa, kuzvizvidza uye kurasikirwa kwekutonga pamusoro pezvakatipoteredza. Mukuwedzera, vanopedza simba rakawandisa rekuchenesa dambudziko racho.
Iye zvino, izvozvo hazvirevi kuti zvinhu zvose zviri muzita iri zvinoshanda kwauri. Asi zvinenge zvichida kuti zvimwe zvinoda.
The Laundry List
Pamberi pebhuku raDkt Jan rakabudiswa, mumwe munhu mukuru wewadhakwa, Tony A., yakabudiswa muna 1978 zvaakadana kuti "The Laundry List," chimwe chinyorwa chezviito zvingaita sezvizivikanwe kune avo vakakurira mumisha isina kukodzera.
Nhamba yaTony yakagamuchirwa sechikamu cheBhuku Rokutanga reVakuru veAlcoholics World Service Organization uye ndiyo nheyo yenyaya yacho, "The Problem," yakabudiswa pawebsite yeboka.
Mimwe Miitiro yeChiri Muduku Anodhakwa
Maererano nebhuku raTony A, vana vakawanda vakuru vezvinwiwa vanogona:
- Iva oga
- Itya vanhu nemasimba masimba
- Iva vatsvaki vanofarira
- Ita nekutya vanhu vakatsamwa
- Ita nekutya nekuzvidza iwe pachako
- Iva zvidhakwa, uroorane navo kana vose
- Ona hupenyu semunhu akabatwa
- Iva nemafungiro akawandisa emutoro
- Iva nehanyanya kune vamwe kupfuura ivo
- Unonzwa uine mhosva pavanomira ivo pachavo
- Iva nemishonga yekufara
- Zvinopesana rudo uye tsitsi
- 'Rudo' vanhu vanoda kununurwa
- Zvinyorwa zvavanonzwa
- Rega kukwanisa kunzwa
- Iva nepfungwa yakaderera
- Izvitonge pachavo
- Itavhunduswa nekusiya
- Ita chero chinhu chipi zvacho chingaisa pahukama
- Iva "para-doro" asina kunwa
- Iva maitiro panzvimbo pevatambi
Apo Inouya Kuhukama, ACoAs Inogona Kuramba Ichinetso
Vakawanda vana vakuru vezvinwiwa vanorasikirwa pachavo muhukama hwavo nevamwe, dzimwe nguva vanozviwana vachikwezva kune zvinodhakwa kana kuti vamwe vanomanikidzira, zvakadai seworkaholics, avo vane mafungiro asina kufanira.
Vana vakuru vanogonawo kuumba ukama nevamwe vanoda rubatsiro rwavo kana kuti vanoda kuponeswa, kusvika pamwero wekuregeredza zvavanoda. Kana vakaisa pfungwa pamusoro pezvinoda zvakanyanya zveumwe munhu, havafaniri kutarisa matambudziko avo uye kukanganisa.
Kakawanda, vana vakuru vezvidhakwa vanozotora maitiro evakadhakwa, kunyange zvazvo vasina kumbobvira vachingwa kunwa: Kuratidza kukanganisa, unyanzvi hwokudzivirira, kusagadzirisa matambudziko, nekuumba hukama husina kunaka.
Kutsigira Kwevanhu Vakura Vana Vokunwa Doro
Kana iwe uchitaura nezvimwe zviitiko 13 zvakataurwa naDkt. Woititz, kana kuti "The Laundry List" naT Tony A., ungada kutora Ivana Vakuru Kuchengeta Quiz kuti uwane pfungwa yekuti iwe wakambove wakakanganiswa sei nekukura mumusha usina kukodzera. Iwe uchawana tsanangudzo yakajeka yezviitiko izvi mubhuku raDkt Jan, Adult Children of Alcoholics .
Vana vakawanda vakura vanoona kuti kutsvaga kurapwa kwemhizha kana kupa mazano kuti vanzwisise manzwiro avo, maitiro, uye kurwisana kunovabatsira kuti vawane ruzivo rwekuwedzera kwehutano hwavo huri vana hwevanaani nhasi. Izvi zvinowanzotyisa mukutanga, asi zvinogona kukubatsira iwe kudzidza kudzidzisa zvaunoda uye kurarama nekupesana munzira itsva uye dzinovaka.
Vamwe vakawana rubatsiro kuburikidza nemapoka maviri ekutsigira akadai seAl Anon Family Groups kana Vana Vakuru veAdha. Iwe unogona kuwana musangano weboka rekusimbisa munzvimbo yako kana pamisangano yepaIndaneti yeAl-Anon neAACOA.
Sources:
Vakwegura Vana veAlcoholics World Service Organization, "The Laundry List - 14 Zviratidzo zveMwana Mukuru weAdha," (Yakapiwa na Tony A., 1978). Yakasvika muna November 2010.
Woititz, Janet G. Vakwegura Vana veAdha , 2010 Expanded Edition.
> Woititz, Janet G. "Zviratidzo 13 zvevana vakuru," The Awareness Center.